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F*ck Feelings: One Shrink's Practical Advice for Managing All Life's Impossible Problems, by Sarah Bennett
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Review
"Gives the middle finger to the self-help genre....Refreshingly blunt." (Harper's Bazaar)"The Ice Bucket Challenge of self-help books...sound advice." (New York Post)"The Bennetts have no time for gooey motivational slogans....Together they urge readers to abandon a quest for perfection in favor of realistic attempts at betterment....The Bennetts' goal is not that you might finish the book and say, 'I am perfect,' but that you might finish the book and say, 'I am the best version of myself that I can be at the moment.' (The New York Times Book Review)"A tough-love, irreverent take on 'life's impossible problems.'" (The Atlantic)"F*ck Feelings is the ultimate anti-self-help book." (Refinery 29)"A highly informative and entertaining smack down to get your head on straight." (Kirkus Reviews, starred review)"Engaging...it's hard to argue with the book's advice." (Elle)"F*ck Feelings offers not only reliable, practical, and eminently useful advice to deal with all of life's various points of pain, but it is also funny, engaging, intelligent, and warm. Full of arresting examples and memorable quips, the book will help anyone who reads it to replace fool's gold with the genuine gem of wisdom." (Edward Hallowell, M.D., author of Driven to Distraction)“I don’t trust anything called a “self-help” book which is why I love F*ck Feelings. There’s no smiling guru on the cover. We would all be smiling, motivated, people all day long if our f*cking feelings didn’t keep f*cking us up – but this book helps. It gives clear examples of our own circular thinking and how to accept our feelings but not always cater to them, and it’s FUNNY. Because life – even when it sucks – is FUNNY.” (Jen Kirkman, stand-up comedian and New York Times bestselling author of I Can Barely Take Care of Myself)“Despite the in-your-face title, Dr. Michael Bennett really does believe in feelings. He just thinks that there is only so much time that one should spend examining one’s belly button searching for answers or getting hung up on guilt or anger. Instead, people should recognize and accept their flaws and get on with modifying or changing their behaviors and attitudes. This is useful advice for everyone, including therapists who can use this technique as a way of helping patients avoid getting stuck in endless therapy. I found myself using it on several of my patients. A great combination – valuable education and a fun read.” (Gail Erlick Robinson MD, DPsych, Professor of Psychiatry, University of Toronto)
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About the Author
Dr. Michael I. Bennett, educated at both Harvard College and Harvard Medical School, is a board-certified psychiatrist, Canadian, and Red Sox fan. While he’s worked in every aspect of his field, from hospital administration to managed care, his major interest is his private practice that he’s been running for almost thirty years. The author of F*ck Feelings, with his daughter Sarah Bennett, he lives with his wife in Boston and New Hampshire.Sarah Bennett has written for magazines, the Internet, television, and books. She also spent two years writing for a monthly sketch comedy show at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York City. When not living by her philosophy of “will write for food,” Sarah walks her dog, watches Red Sox games, and avoids eye contact with other humans. Somehow, she lives in New Hampshire and works in New York. F*ck Feelings, written with her father Dr. Michael I. Bennett, is her first book.
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Product details
Hardcover: 384 pages
Publisher: Simon & Schuster (September 1, 2015)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1476789991
ISBN-13: 978-1476789996
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 1.2 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.0 out of 5 stars
293 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#9,554 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I must admit I'm a bit conflicted about this one. I found the topics and advice fairly solid but repetitive. Daughter's contribution was to be humor but I found that aspect fairly thin. While the extensive use of profanity is evidently supposed to be clever and reflective of the vernacular, I found it somewhat superfluous. Not that I am whining about it, profanity certainly has its place but in many current novels and in this work it tends to be overdone to the point where it loses the ability to deliver the emphasis that is usually its role. The format is to isolate an issue, tell you what you cannot reasonably expect to happen (despite your fondest wishes), what you can expect, how to get there and what script to follow after including examples some discussion. Shake up the content and repeat about 10 times and it get a bit wearying. It is a fairly reasonable approach to the idea that life isn't fair and here are some ways to deal with it.
As a psychotherapist with 30 years experience I liked the basic approach- sometimes it's time to stop overthinking and just accept and move on. But this isn't the right approach every time or for everyone and he doesn't recognize that. Some of his examples of "you can't expect to get this" are things my clients have been able to get. Some of his other "factual real-life" promulgations are likewise wrong. His agenda of being controversial leads him to too much black and white thinking and that skews his view of what the reality actually is. The book is good for challenging some assumptions about what therapy should look like and what it can do, but be careful in applying it that you don't become TOO accepting and forego changes that act an be made.
This book has plenty of swears -- whether that's a draw or a hindrance for you, they are in there and they are plentiful. But more importantly, this book has some of the best advice that no one gives you. Spending years getting to the source of why you don't get along with your parents or your siblings or why it's hard for you to commit or why you have self-destructive impulses is ultimately pointless to your wellbeing. Dr. Bennett recognizes these as diversions from doing the work that makes you proud of the life you have. The book doesn't promise to give you the life you want or the life you deserve, because so much of that is beyond your control. If you're born into difficult circumstances or don't have support or resources, it's going to be very hard to get the kind of life "you've always dreamed of" -- this book gives you real tools and the right mindset to achieve your goals and be proud of making the best life you can. in other words, teaches you to concentrate on getting ish done and what to do when unexpected ish hits the fan (clearly, I don't mind the swears, and I wish amazon didn't mind either). I've bought five copies for everyone in my immediate family, I'm going to probably give one to everyone on my Christmas list. Including my 90-year-old grandmother.
For too much of my life I was stuck in the "but things should be different" rut. This book, using many many examples, was a big help in getting me out of the rut and into life. It asks the question, "What is reasonable to expect?" instead of "What is the ideal solution in a perfect world?" I got the help I needed, both mental and medical, and am generally happier than I have been in decades (really truly literally).Let me just be clear: this book was an impetus, not a solution, but it did reveal the perspective I needed in my life.
This book isn't super encouraging, but it's very realistic and matter-of-fact. If you aren't into the whole woo-woo "the universe/god is working in your favor if you let it" approach to self-help, you will probably like this one as it is very scientifically based and no-nonsense. However if you are looking for a pick-me-up that makes you feel better about your situation immediately, this one might not be the best.
Praise:This book contains a treasure of wisdom, centered on accepting life's imperfections and limitations, working with them, instead of against them. This attitude is similar to the ideas of the stoic philosophers. It is also similar to the scientific method, which never asks how things ought to be, only how they are. There are many valuable passages; I'll share one:"If your career happens to lack prestige or follows an unconventional, restless path, don’t criticize yourself. Respect yourself all the more for having found a way to meet standards using equipment you didn’t choose and given habits that are hard to break."This is a refreshing antidote to the obnoxious, "follow your passion and become a new person" poison.Criticism:The book is at least one third longer than it needs to be, to communicate its content. Part of the excess includes unhelpful attempts at humor, timely pop culture references, and cursing. I admit the authors put "f*ck" right there in the title to grab attention but still, they wore me out with their "cleverness."These elements serve to "date" the book, so that its tone will sound hokey in a couple of years. (Indeed, it sounds that way to me already.) I'll be sad when that happens. This book deserves to become a classic.My American culture tragically overvalues entertainment in all forms, and humor especially. A laugh that is occasional, natural, based on real world observation, is always welcome. Compulsive humor, forced fun is rather sickening.
Wow! Straight talk life advice that pulls no punches in the most amusing way possible. I laughed so hard at this book, even while reading the parts for my particular difficulties. It's a rare book that can tell make you laugh while calling you out on your part of the BS. I love it. I'm going to keep it forever. Any issues that you're having in life can be handled through this book. You'd be hard-pressed to find anything like it. I call this my portable psychiatrist. If you want to skip the talking, and get straight to the solution- buy this now.
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